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Asshat Of The Week..Marium Varinauskas Whips Out His Penis On A Female Police Officer

March 21st 2010 13:13
TCFB,Asshat of the Week


(From the BBC )

Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.

The court heard he had been drinking heavily and could not remember committing the offence at his home in Aberdeen.

Police were called to his home by his girlfriend.

They arrived to find the self-employed engineer sitting on the sofa wearing a pair of underpants.

Fiscal depute Elaine Lynch said: "The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck."

In the words of 38 Special..."Just hold on loosely.....& don't let go....If you cling too tight babe...You're gonna lose control!"

So good ole Marium lost a little control and started swinging around his man meat in front of a female officer. Big deal.

Isn't it pretty apparent what happened here? Marium gets home after tying on about 15 beers down the local pub and he thinks part two of the party is about to kick off when a sexy female cop is at his doorstep. "Goddamn it, I'm in some farkin luck tonight! She finally did it! My sweet farkin girlfriend finally ordered me up that stripper dressed as a policewoman! I've been waiting so long for this night. Get in here baby and shake your farkin arse for Marium! Check out my schlong.....OFFICER!"

Oh well, I tried, big guy. Welcome to the prestigious club of Asshat fame, Marium. You are truly a deserving member.

Chuck
~TCFB~

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Hey Beantown Chowdaheads...It's Tim Naehring...Remember Me?

March 19th 2010 15:21
Tim Naehring,Boston Red Sox


Timmy Naehring…..He manned the hot corner in Boston at the same time I was graduating from manning the hot corner at Boston Latin Academy in the early/mid 90’s. We are forever linked.

All kidding aside, this guy was one of my favorite ballplayers to watch when I was younger. He played his ass off, had a rocket for an arm, did well with the ladies and was an above average all around hitter. He just couldn’t stay healthy. Having one leg slightly shorter than the other probably didn’t help.

Naehring’s played in Beantown from 1990-1997. His best year in a Sox uni was in ’96 when he hit .288 w/ 17 HR’s & 65 steaks.

What’s been happenin’, Timmy? Shoot me an e-mail at the site. Smitty & I would love to take you for a brewski or three.

( Check Naehring’s lifetime numbers on Baseball Reference )

Chuck
~TCFB~

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President Obama: Please Stop Talking About Tiger Woods & Your NCAA Brackets

March 18th 2010 17:20
President Obama


( From NBC Sports )

WASHINGTON - President Barack Obama says Tiger Woods will still be a “terrific” golfer despite his personal issues.

Obama said in an interview Wednesday with Fox News Channel that Woods has acknowledged betraying his family and that he has to work out those personal issues. But Obama said he’s sure Woods is still going to be a terrific golfer.

Ok, is enough enough…Or is ENOUGH ENOUGH…with President Obama. Stop filling out your NCAA Men’s Hoop brackets live on ESPN. Stop commenting on Tiger Woods’ failed marriage and his crazy ‘sexual predator’ lifestyle. STOP. Less sports talk, more action Barack. It doesn’t make you ‘cool’ to talk about your brackets, Tiger, or anything else outside of straightening this country up to the best of your ability. I don’t give a shit who you like in the tournament or what you think about Tiger.

Can’t you just see Tiger reading what Prez Obama had to say about him and thinking…

“Shit, wait til he reads what this porn queen bitch, Joslyn James, releases on me today! What’s he gonna think of me when he finds out I liked to choke girls and pee on them while I shit on my wife for having a ‘parenthood meltdown’?”

Thanks for your insight though, Prez. I think we kinda sorta figured that Tiger would return to being a ‘terrific golfer.’

Chuck
~TCFB~

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Kenny Perry Wouldn’t Understand How A Legend Like Tiger Woods Operates

March 18th 2010 15:00
Tiger Woods,Kenny Perry


(From Boston.com )

“He’s had long stretches off in the past and he’s come back and won the first week out. I don’t see how people do that,’’ Perry said yesterday at the Transitions Championship. “I really don’t understand that. I cannot process that in my head. I think he needs to get competitiveness somewhere.’’

Perry didn’t hear all the news about Woods, so he assumed he was at least playing in the Tavistock Cup.

“He’s not playing in that either?’’ he said. “Well, he’s going to astound us all if he goes out there and wins the thing.’’


Kenny, let’s slow down and logically think about this situation for a minute.

In the words of the immortal, Allen Iverson…. “PRACTICE!??”

Once Tiger turned ten years old, practice was over and ass kicking was in session. For Christ sakes, Kenny, this guy didn’t even need to practice or get himself used to the art of having sex 600 times a day and then dominating putz’ like you in major PGA events the next morning. Prince Woodstick just went to work. You wouldn’t understand.

This is a win-win for someone of Prince Woodstick’s legendary status…

“I’m not coming back one goddamn second before the biggest PGA event of the year, The Masters. We’ll see you in Augusta. I am Michael Jordan. The rest of you are lucky if you’re even considered the Scottie Pippen’s of the golf world when I’m on the scene.. If I come back and finish top 10 in this tournament---or heaven forbid---top 5 or higher, my legend grows, and the rest of you tools who have been ‘practicing’ in tournaments like the Tavistock Cup, will continue to sniff my jock and like it. If by chance I have a sub-par showing in Augusta, oh well, look at what I’ve been through. What did people expect? Joslyn James just released all of our back and forth sexting on her website, it through me for more of a loop then expected..

WIN-WIN for Tiger! Wake up, Kenny.”

Chuck
~TCFB~
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FIFA Shows NFL How It’s Done With Roster Of Shakira…Alicia Keys & Fergie

March 18th 2010 13:00
Shakira


( News below is courtesy of Sports Illustrated. Click underlined link for whole story )

JOHANNESBURG (AP) -- FIFA has lined up international music stars Alicia Keys, Shakira, Black Eyed Peas and John Legend for a World Cup concert in Johannesburg on June 10, the day before the opening match.


See that, Goodell & NFL Marketing Peeps? Go call FIFA Prez, Sepp Blatter, and his FIFA Marketing Peeps and see how they pulled this off. I effin hate futbol, however I’m always looking to give credit where credit is due.

If I want to hear the CSI-Vegas theme song by The Who while I’m having my 10th beer and sloppily sucking down chicken wings at halftime of the Super Bowl until buffalo sauce is smeared all over my drunk face, I’ll cue up an episode of CSI on the ole DVR.

I could easily do without, John Legend, but you’ve knocked it out of the proverbial park with the rest of your roster, Sepp. World Cup opening ceremonies got it goin on! Nice effin work, people. Kudos from Beantown!!

Chuck
~TCFB~
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Bono Returns To Ireland On This St. Patty's Day

March 17th 2010 19:47
Bono,U2


So Bono is back in Ireland, in an Irish bar watching a small Irish folk band play. Immersing himself back into the culture from whence he sprang although he is as far from it now as he could possibly be. He is a world icon now and so many things to so many people all over the world.

The band on stage finishes and the audience applauds loudly.

Bono leaps onto the stage clapping along with the crowd and leans into the microphone and says solemnly, "Thaht wuz luvlay but my fellow countrymen, every time I clap my hands, another child dies in Africa."

Then from the back of the audience a voice shouts. "THEN STOP CLAPPIN' YER FOOKIN HANDS!"

Chuck
~TCFB~
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Jerry Remy's Season Passes Quite The Innovative Idea

March 17th 2010 17:00
Jerry Remy's Sports Bar & Grille
pic courtesy of jerryremys.com


For those of you who haven't heard, Jerry Remy's Sports Bar & Grille is up and open for business on Boylston St. in Beantown.

I mean, people buy up this guy's scorecards and 'Rem Dawg' T-shirts & apparel off of his website like hotcakes. Why not jump into the restaurant business? If any of you know of anyone who has worked in the restaurant/bar industry, you know it isn't always smooth sailing. Yet, anything Remy touches seems to turn to gold, so why not? Yeah, he's gone a little mainstream and I see his face a little too much from time to time, but he's a likable character and has done so very well for himself. Not many ex-pro ballplayers become significantly more popular AFTER their playing career comes to a close. Rem Dawg is one of the few to accomplish this feat.

Have you heard about the 'season passes' that he's offering? The guys and I were joking about getting ours when we were on the air taping the show this past weekend. In my opinion, this is a brilliant idea by Remy and his people. I guess it will remain to be seen how it plays out, but it's quite innovative, to say the least. Pony up $500 of your hard earned greenbacks for a season pass to Remy's joint. A season pass that guarantees you a table every time you come in while watching the game on one of the HD flat screen TV's. You also get a $25 food and beverage credit each time you show up. Let's break out the basic 5th grade arithmetic for a second. Even the creme de la creme supreme geek of Red Sox Nation can't go out and watch ALL 162 games at Rem Dawgs Bar & Grille---life happens---but how about just 25, for arguments sake? $500 divided by 25 games = $20 added onto your bill at the end of the night. But wait, you forgot your $25 food/beverage credit, so in reality Rem Dawg just gave you a $5 coupon to watch the game there. Not bad, eh? Granted you'll still spend some cake while you're there, but what do you think? I like it.

He's offering a $350 pass for Pats games under the same type of guidelines.

The boys and I might have to brainstorm on that one. Especially after Wifey TCFB says to me in the car last night.. "That would be cool for you, Slats and Marshall." Obviously she was forgetting that I'm the proprietor of a sports empire, called TCFB....HELLO!!! I don't pay full price for anything anymore. Haven't for some time now. Rem Dawg, hit me up on the cell or e-mail me at the site. I'm willing to settle at $100. It'll be good exposure for you.

All kidding aside, good luck Jerry.

Chuck
~TCFB~
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Femme Fatale Of The Week---Giada De Laurentiis From The Food Network

March 17th 2010 11:43
Giada De Laurentiis,TCFB Femme Fatale


This week's Femme Fatale hails from Italy. Yup, long way from Beantown, but like I've said in the past, I'm a man of the people and this was a reader request. You might recognize Giada De Laurentiis from the Food Network. She hosts about 5 different shows! Welcome to the club, Giada.

Giada De Laurentiis,TCFB Femme Fatale


Giada De Laurentiis,TCFB Femme Fatale


Giada De Laurentiis,TCFB Femme Fatale


Giada De Laurentiis,TCFB Femme Fatale


Giada De Laurentiis,TCFB Femme Fatale


Giada De Laurentiis,TCFB Femme Fatale


Giada De Laurentiis,TCFB Femme Fatale


Giada De Laurentiis,TCFB Femme Fatale


Giada De Laurentiis,TCFB Femme Fatale


Chuck
~TCFB~

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‘Lawrence’ Thinks Elin Might’ve Been Babysitting More Than Just Jesper’s Kiddos

March 16th 2010 17:30
Jesper Parnevik,PGA


Back in December---in my own twisted way--- I blamed Jesper Parnevik for introducing Elin to Tiger and causing this mess.

You see, Elin was Jesper’s ‘au-pair/nanny’ or whatever you want to call it, before Parnevik introduced her to Woods. Once Jesper introduced them, the sex machine was revved up and ready for business. The rest is history.

Sometimes, you read something, laugh, and want to share it. That happened to me today when reading a blurb about Parnevik’s take on Tiger returning to play in The Masters on TMZ . Parnevik has come out strongly against Woods’ actions over the past few months and basically just said he’s not surprised Tiger is playing in this tournament etc… blah..blah…

The funny part was from a commenter--- “Lawrence"--- as he summed up the reason for Parnevik's angst toward Tiger...

“Ole Jasper is just mad because Tiger stole his "nanny"… as if she was babysitting anything but his pants…. I would like to meet the wife that's okay with Elin showing up after she just gave birth.”

Way to sum it up! I never thought of it that way. Guest posts are available on TCFB. Send me the resume, Larry.

Chuck
~TCFB~

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Mike Tyson Is Ferocious & Wants To Eat Your Pigeons

March 16th 2010 15:03
Mike Tyson,pigeons


( New York Post EXCLUSIVE )

Iron Mike Tyson is getting ready to make his debut as a reality TV star.

Tyson, a life-long pigeon keeper, will star in a series about bird racing, The Post has learned.

"I may have stopped fighting," says the former heavyweight champ. "But I never stopped flying birds. It's my first love."

The show, to be called "Take on Tyson," pits Tyson and his birds against the best racing-pigeon owners in New York. It is set to air on the cable channel Animal Planet sometime early next year.

"I am a little worried about the sitcom effect," Tyson told The Post over the weekend.

"Mike Tyson and Animal Planet? They don't seem to go together, do they?"


“Pigeon bitch owners, I’m coming for you. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I’m just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your pigeons. Praise be to Allah! My main objective is to be professional, but to kill them. I want to rip out their hearts and feed them to you with a side of pigeon shit. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their baby pigeons.

All praise is to Allah. I’ll fight any man, any animal. If Jesus were here, I’d fight him too.”

Mike T
~TCFB~

I mean…..

Chuck
~TCFB~

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