Your Average JoeBarry Zito Says 'What Up' & Sends Tool Home To Play The Skin Flute
July 12th 2010 16:37
Barry Zito
(Some tool on Deadspin describing how Barry Zito stole the girl he was working on in a Bay area bar)
So one night a girl we knew was going out to the spot for her birthday and my friend is all about it. I can even count how many times "I'm so in there" was said. The whole time at the bar he's chatting her up and she seems to be into it. At one point the numerous beers start hitting us so we hit the bathroom where my friend again tells me how in there he is.
We come back from the bathroom to find my friend's target talking some huge floppy haired dude. Shocked, we huddle and plan our next move. Another friend of ours leans in and asks our girl friend if she's ok and this ensues...
Her: "Oh yeah, meet my new friend Barry"
Us: "Barry, who the fuck is this guy?"
Barry turns around: "Hey guys, I'm Barry Zito what's up?"
Me dumbfounded: "Uh nothing....I have you and Huddy [Tim Hudson] on my fantasy team and you're killing me"
Barry: "Sorry bro. We'll try to do better."
We come back from the bathroom to find my friend's target talking some huge floppy haired dude. Shocked, we huddle and plan our next move. Another friend of ours leans in and asks our girl friend if she's ok and this ensues...
Her: "Oh yeah, meet my new friend Barry"
Us: "Barry, who the fuck is this guy?"
Barry turns around: "Hey guys, I'm Barry Zito what's up?"
Me dumbfounded: "Uh nothing....I have you and Huddy [Tim Hudson] on my fantasy team and you're killing me"
Barry: "Sorry bro. We'll try to do better."
Son, don’t blame Barry Zito for this debacle. Blame yourself. How amateur.
Way to troubleshoot this situation, dink. You chat up a girl at a bar, go to drain the vein and BOOM… Your prospect has been approached by Barry effin Zito.
What do you do?
You piss down your leg and start talking fantasy baseball. You give Barry a lame dig on how he is struggling and hurting his Huddy & The Henderson’s fantasy team. That is a splendid move. Most girls absolutely melt when dorks get into some quality fantasy baseball talk, especially when one of her choices is between an actual professional baseball player and the nerd who drafted said professional baseball player. You have now most assuredly set up a late night date with your hand back at your studio apartment.
You sealed your own coffin shut that night, tool. Don’t blame Barry. You wilted under pressure. Hope you had fun playing the skin flute and adding up your fantasy points while Barry threw on a little Marvin Gaye back at his place, with your ex-prospect.
Kudos.
Chuck
~TCFB~
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You'll never find
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Like the Zeet-man dooooo