Chuck HThe World According To Smitty
June 25th 2009 13:47
Ran into my buddy Smitty down at the Two Cents From Beantown Pub yesterday. It’s been a while since I ran into ole coot. Last time I ran into him we were discussing Big Papi’s power outage and I wrote about our conversation on Sports Fan 4 (click on to view post). It’s always tons of fun when Smitty has one too many down the pub and decides he wants to let himself be heard…..
“Hey Chuckie, I read your piece on the whole ‘Dora The Explorer’ (click on to view post) situation that you wrote about on your blooog.” To which I responded, “you mean blog Smitty?” “Yeah, blooog, blog whatever the hell it is. Did you know that my older brother Sully’s wife Sinead took part in those Olympic games?” “No, you never mentioned that before Smitty”, I said. “Yeah well, she did, ok, and do you know she remembered that German Troll Dora when I told her about your write up and had her read it?” “Jesus Smitty, ‘German Troll’, isn’t that a little harsh?”, I replied. “Well what the hell would you call that piece of work?” “I don’t know Smitty, haha.. go on”… “Anyway, Sinead remembered what she thought was a she, that actually turned out to be a he, always looking at her competition and saying ‘I’ve…. Got……Something…. That…..You….Don’t… na-na-na-na-na-nah’, before she took off with that bratwurst taped to her leg! Disgusting Chuckie! Can you believe the balls on that Hitler sonofabitch?” “Ha… Smitty, you are something else my friend. No I can’t believe it happened either, but anything to beat those Americans, ya know Smitty?” “Yeah, I know, I know… just pathetic that’s all. Bartender, grab me and my bloooger friend here another cold one will ya?”
Well, Smitty wasn’t done there. The real reason that he called me over to his stool to talk was because he wanted to connect the whole Dora situation with the recent news this week of the International Olympic Committee saying that they are following developments in the case of the two female gymnasts on China’s 2000 Olympic team who are suspected of being underage.
“What the hell is up with these Asian countries Chuckie? Can you believe friggin China? I hope they get their goddamn medals taken away. I mean, it’s like my old friend Bela Karolyi said, ‘They are using half people!’” “Well Smitty, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't they have to have valid passports and aren't the rules pretty strict on all of that stuff?” “Valid passports.. cmon Chuckie, the government runs everything in China, you know that. They are responsible for creating the goddamn passports. Not only that, back in 1991 that cheating North Korean team had this little girl who they all swore was of age, until she friggin smiled at the camera. You know what everyone saw when she smiled at the camera?” “No”, I said.. “what did everyone see?” “They saw that she was losing her goddamn baby teeth still”, he said. “I mean you’ve got to be kidding me! It’s horrible, these foreigners will try anything to beat us.. from back in the day with that girl Dora and her Dinky.. all the way to right now with the Chinese and their ‘half people’ in gymnastics. I just don’t understand, I mean, remember the Danny Almonte kid? The pitcher for the NY Little League team that made it to the Little League WS and stuff?” “Yes, Smitty, I remember him”, I said. “Well at least when we cheat here in America, we do it right. The Little League maximum age is 12 or 13 and NY struts out this kid Almonte who is 15, and smokes the competition away. Hooray, we win! Hello, dummies!!! I mean, what the hell is wrong with China? They actually cheat by using girls who are younger than the rest! How stupid is that?” “Smitty, that’s the whole idea---that they be younger. Younger and lighter is to your advantage in gymnastics. You made some decent sense up to this point in your argument, but now you’ve had one too many again..”, I said. “Ahhh whatever Chuckie the bloooger, can you call me a cab?” “I got you Smitty, I got you, what’s the number?”
Chuck Hanf
Two Cents From Beantown
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Comment by Josh Gans
I remember talking to my buddy Matt about Danny Almonte the other day, I can't believe other people remember that as well. What ever happened to him anyway?
Comment by Chuck H
Two Cents From Beantown
TCFB
Comment by DF